Dating someone with kids… Yay or Nay?
If you haven’t already I suggest you view the 3 part TwinsInc Round Table discussion. The following is my personal summary of the discussion and how my thoughts and feelings were affected.
I decided to discuss this topic because I’m currently in a situation where this is a major issue. Now before I continue, I know many eyes will see this and to you all this is as transparent as I can be. These are my deepest personal thoughts and I hope no one takes them to personally. That being said, I think I once met the exact copy of myself, but in the body of a female. I swear this gals swag mirrored my own. It was almost like I was talking to myself.
Some of y’all prob like isn’t that kind of weird? Not really tho. I found it very refreshing and a constant challenge. Just my antics that I’d pull and her responses… I’m like dang I’m not prepared to deal with how I would react to myself. Then to have the same type of antics thrown back to me. Are you ever really prepared to defend against your own antics. Granted they are yours and you should know them like a book, but I guess the awe of it takes you by surprise.
Now from jump I knew that she had kids. Strangely enough I was cool with it. As if I overlooked the entire thing with the I’ll cross that bridge when I get there attitude. It has always been a rule of mine to not date anyone with kids. However, the older I get the more I notice more and more of my rules have changed and are changing. Many of them were not even my rules to begin with. Most of them are the rules that parents instill into their kids. As you become your own person you find yourself re write many rules and keeping the ones you agree with. The foundation will never change; that’s engrained, but you’re free to set your own ground rules.
So what happened?
Strangely enough my twin soul was not able to accept that we were to be. This caused a bit of a strain and eventually an abrupt halt. Suddenly I was crushed. Many feelings that I had been numb to immediately resurfaced as if a tank of water had just burst open. Now those rules that I were overlooking suddenly reappeared. I was leading with my heart at first, but now my brain wanted in.
Eventually the hurdle we faced was crossed and the tides settled, but my brain decided to remain in control as if changing jurisdiction in the matter of dating. Let me tell ya, when it comes to dating my brain doesn’t play! It instantly knows a match and a mismatch. It works on a pass or fail basis leaving no room for gray area. Kids? Let’s just say my heart hadn’t convinced my brain to change that rule.
At this point I think my brain is really trying to protect my heart from being hurt again and will do whatever it takes to prevent it. Even if it means staying in a comfort zone. Actually I think a comfort zone is what it seeks because it already knows what to expect. Is this fair? I can honestly say whatever choice I make (heart or brain) once the decision is made you’re gonna get 100 percent of me. So even if it is just a matter of remain in a comfort zone it’s a conscious choice.
That’s not me though. That’s not DjTj. I’m a rebel, i’m the daredevil, I’m the shoot now ask questions later type.. To remain in a comfort zone is not in character. Not that it’s bad, but it has the potential to become boring which leads to more issues. I guess the final question is…. Do I follow my head or my heart? Can I get my brain to trust what’s in my heart? Could my heart be under a spell? Maybe it’s a facade….
Guess we shall see,
But the question still remains… Dating someone with kids, Yay or Nay?